The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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