the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
