Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize