shes about as inviting as chlamydia
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
