Your mouth is God's brothel.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
