I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
