the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
