Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
