come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
