mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
