Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
