I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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