its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
