Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Your penis caused this!
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
