take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
