im having a threesome with these popsicles
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
