We won't sleep together?
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
My dick has a subreddit
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
