that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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