before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
