I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
