You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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