wanna go halves on a baby?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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