When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
