Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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