Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
