either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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