Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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