The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
How's work?
Spinning.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
