you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
