Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
