i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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