my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
