I think scott just propositioned me for sex
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
