i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize