I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
