On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
