My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
