hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Randomize
