It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
