i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
