I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
