How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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