i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
