I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
