The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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