She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
She has the best kind of daddy issues
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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