I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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