Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(424): View more from California

I'd wear matching sweaters with you

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(419): View more from Ohio

I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.

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(407): View more from Florida

is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?

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(917): View more from New York City

we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.

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(716): View more from New York

Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?

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(541): View more from Oregon

I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.

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(219): View more from Indiana

He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea

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(512): View more from Texas

He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?

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