U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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