My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
