craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
