you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize