'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
