something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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