Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
