Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
where are you?
Hypothermia
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
