Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize