Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
