hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
