Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
