Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
