There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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