Rock
Scissors
Fuck
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
