Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
