I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
