Are we in a gay sports bar?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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