Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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