sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
