my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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