I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
