I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
