am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
