Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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