my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize