I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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