i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
