the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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