And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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