Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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