then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
